Would it be okay if your gravestone read: “She was an exceptionally mediocre woman”?

If your eulogy went something like: “She followed every rule with precision. She rarely made a mistake and was a great champion of the status quo. She never ruffled any feathers, took any great risks, suffered any great loss. She always operated within the bounds of appropriateness. She had the love and acceptance of her community, family, and friends, though no one knew her. Her life was smooth sailing because she never rocked the boat. She contained her passion, her dreams, and her danger enough that they could call her a good woman”?

For some, that would be enough. But not for you.

Your epitaph will begin: “She redefined what it meant to be a good woman.”

It will say: “She scaled mountains, in hiking boots and in heels. She started in her own backyard and then went all the way around the world. She accepted challenges with curiosity and determination. She emerged victorious regardless of outcome, knowing both the pleasure of success and the grace of failure. She tasted long hot days and cool still nights, at home wherever she found herself. She wasn’t always popular, but she was always true. She wasn’t always comfortable, but no one can say she didn’t enjoy her life. She explored her edges, increased her capacity, and lived as big as she could dream. Moved equally by bliss and pain, she played her heart out one moment at a time. She was dialed in. She was courageous. She was turned on.”

If this sounds more like you, what are you waiting for?

Turn-on lives at the edge of what you think is possible. It is ignited when you dare to dream,
act, create, and operate outside the bounds of the status quo.

A turned-on woman is an awakening woman, a woman who is coming alive. She is ignited in purpose, relationship, and sexuality; body, mind, and heart.

A turned-on woman does not fear danger, risk, or being different. She knows that life happens out of bounds. What she fears are the true killers: mediocrity, fitting in, and being average.

A turned-on woman burns big. She will not be contained by size zero pants, quiet whispers, or the role of follower.

A turned-on woman redefines what it means to be a good woman. She takes the existing images, consumes them, and resets the bar. She is undaunted in the face of others’ expectations of her. Not because she discounts them. Because she knows she will exceed them.

A turned-on woman isn’t defined by her circumstances. She defines her circumstances by who she chooses to be within them. Urban career woman, suburban secret agent—it is the substance, not the packaging, that determines her destiny.

A turned-on woman plays for the freedom of those around her. She recognizes that people bang the snooze button over and over, no matter how much they want to wake up. She is willing to absorb the gripes and grumbles of those who are awakening out of dreamy sleep into their greatest potential. She has the truth as her ballast. She knows that truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident. She waits patiently for the third stage.

A turned-on woman resets the definition of what it means to be generous and compassionate. She will not call out sugary platitudes to soothe and comfort people in hell. She will, with ferocity and gentleness, go into the fire and get them out. Her compassion is the outgrowth of the most relentless parental instinct, love of the superhuman, car-lifting variety. She can—she will—she must lift the weight of imagined fear from herself and others. She will not stand by, hoping and praying that everything will be okay. She will hold herself responsible for ensuring that it is.

A turned-on woman sees just one enemy: fear. She is constantly unbending herself from its contorted grip. She thanks it for the protection it has afforded, the way it has kept her small and safe. Then she gently retires it so she can truly live.

She recognizes fear in a hundred different disguises. She knows its subtle minions—“us” versus “them,” tit for tat, selling out. She knows that sustainable change comes not from responding to its effects or symptoms, but from eradicating the fear at its source. She will not allow herself to be a carrier of the fear disease in either action or reaction. She knows to reject the fear in others—not the ones held hostage by it, not the actions they take under its influence—but the fear itself.

A turned-on woman gives permission rather than waiting for it. She reigns rather than submits. She has cultivated her power to such a magnitude that those around her aim to please her—and the way to please her is by being wholly, fully, unquestionably oneself.

She will not settle for the best of the options set before her. Instead she will create new and better ones. She sees opportunity all around her, bounty even in scarcity.

She will reject mere excellence from anyone who is capable of more. She is willing to push another to greatness even when what is offered fulfills an immediate need. She recognizes that her purpose in this world is not to get things done, not to meet deadlines or achieve worldly success, but to draw from people what they did not know they were capable of. If her standards are being met but the people around her are not alive, turned on, and engaged, then she rethinks her strategy. She recognizes that no one goes unless we all go.

A turned-on woman will not sacrifice truth in order to be appropriate. She may present with all the markings of the status quo, but only because she knows that change happens from within. She is always reshaping the mold to her own design. The laws of linear, familiar, predictable, tried-and-true are there to be broken in favor of her real truth: the kind that is dangerous, exponential, unique, creative, and now.

A turned-on woman does not hide. She does not shy away from awakening by shielding herself behind her partner, her children, her reputation. She recognizes that aiming for goodness—just being a good mother, a good partner, a good citizen—can divert her attention away from the greatness she truly desires. Great includes good, but not always vice versa.

She sees how easy it would be to use the roles she has chosen to maintain her own comfort. Instead she uses them to set herself free. She believes that her responsibility as a mother is to create a better world for her children—not to show them how to fit into the existing one. She recognizes that the greatest gift she can give those around her is an example of a woman who is waking up in the middle of her own life.

A turned-on woman chooses for herself. She looks inside, locates her desire, and acts out of the natural freedom she knows to be her own. She does not make decisions based on the will of others; her own internal compass is too strong. Her only agenda is for all to be free.
A turned-on woman rejects force in favor of real power. She educates rather than emasculates. Rather than withdraw, avoid, judge, and bludgeon, she enters and transforms. She knows that she is responsible for preparing the world to receive her. Rather than taking the easy way out and demanding her freedom, she shows others how they will benefit from it.
A turned-on woman manages her own internal climate before helping others. She handles her own basic needs—sexual, spiritual, emotional, and physical. She cultivates her energy and spends it wisely. She puts on her own oxygen mask first, establishing boundaries to ensure that she has something real and nourishing to offer. She is willing to relinquish the temporary power that comes with martyrdom, victimhood, and selflessness in exchange for the enduring power that comes from internal wealth. She recognizes that giving to others from a place of scarcity only spreads the contagion of scarcity. She commits to living full.

The turned-on woman knows there is wisdom in darkness. She knows that she will have bad days, bad weeks, bad months. She does not apologize or fall prey to guilt and shame. She can hold difficult emotions, transmuting sadness, disappointment, and exhaustion into fuel for her journey. She enters the deep, feels it fully, gets what she needs, and moves on. She goes down but she doesn’t go out.

A turned-on woman ignites other women. She refuses to deal in the accepted inter-female commerce of one-downmanship, publicly cataloging all the ways her life isn’t going well to make other women feel safe. She understands that while she may find comfort in processing and commiserating with her sisters, soothing and colluding with them, such comfort is not her aim. A world of turned-on women is her aim. The generous step is to point other women evermore in the direction of wakefulness, using her own turn-on to foster genius in those around her. She is not afraid to stand alone if necessary. She knows the value of solitude and is not afraid of loneliness when the turn-on of other women is at stake.
A turned-on woman rewrites the playbook when it comes to sex. She knows that sex is not an indulgence; it is literally her source of power. She would never use it to barter for something else she wants, for a turned-on woman knows that sex is the gateway to the only thing she truly wants. She knows that if she doesn’t want sex, it’s because she’s not having the right kind of sex. A turned-on woman wants sex that creates energy rather than depletes it. She seeks the slow burn, the kind of sex that heats her up from the inside out, stoking her fire and powering her journey.

A turned-on woman does not feel the need to dress sex up so it looks one way or another. She does not perform, embellish, or supplement. Instead she stays present, opens herself to the experience, and feels her way. She experiences what is there and asks for what she desires.

A turned-on woman wants a partner who is willing and able to have this kind of sex with her. More than that, she wants a partner who desires this same kind of sex for themselves. Generative sex; sex that begets more turn-on, more awakening, and more sex. Sex that ignites; that lights up the power grid. The turned-on woman knows that she is the live wire.

A turned-on woman does not trade in measured steps and replicable outcomes. She is not in the market for stability, a how-to guide to life. She is interested only in excavating the truth and sharing it with others. She wants to create, generate, raise the game, and play again. She operates at the edges of her own capacity at all times. She knows that stormy nights break into the most beautiful sunrises. She believes, she gives, she tries again, and she doesn’t check out. Courage is her middle name.


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